How do you feel about tests?
I'll be honest, I have complicated feelings. Maybe it was just my experience as a teacher, but it seems like more and more weight gets piled onto test scores every single year.
A couple of years ago, we enrolled our boys in the online school where I was teaching. My husband had one non-negotiable: they were not going to sit for state testing.
Inside the school system, that's seen as a pretty wild idea. Why on earth wouldn't parents send their kids? But schools look at testing through a different lens. Their funding and benefits are tied to those scores, so when families opt out, it's bad for business. And make no mistake, so much of our current education system runs like a business.
As homeschoolers, we've already felt the call to do something different. We've all heard the advice: "Don't recreate school at home." For me, testing is one of the biggest pieces of school I'm happy to leave behind.
What a Test Score Couldn't Tell Me
As a neurodivergent, perfection-driven, anxiety-riddled kid, testing was hard for me. It turned out to be hard for my kids for a lot of the same reasons.
And at the end of the day? It honestly didn't tell me much.
My slightly dyslexic daughter failed the reading portion of the STAAR test in third grade. I knew reading was a struggle for her. But I also knew she had amazing comprehension, an incredible vocabulary, and an out-of-this-world imagination.
That score told me none of those things. Instead, it bumped her into more intervention, which gave her more stress and actually made her reading worse.
So what did tell me what she knew? Talking with her. Listening to the wild stories she dreamed up. Hearing her read out loud. Asking questions and chatting about the books we shared.
A test shows what your child can do on one day, under pressure. A conversation shows you how they actually think.
So How Do You Do It?
Like most things, it takes a little practice on both sides. If you read my post on talking math with your kids like you talk to a baby, you know it feels awkward at first. Then one day you realize it's become natural, and honestly, pretty enjoyable.
Here's where I'd start:
Start with a great read-aloud
If I were starting over, especially if we were deschooling, I'd begin with a really great read-aloud. I've shared lots of the books our family has loved over the years, but for this, pick something easy and fun. A few of our favorites:
The Mouse and the Motorcycle (Ralph!)
Pippi Longstocking
The Wind in the Willows
Treasure Island (fair warning: your kids may build a pirate base under the trampoline)
Robin Hood
Little Women
Try popcorn reading, where everyone takes a turn. While your kids read, listen for:
Are they stumbling over words?
What's their candence like? Smooth or choppy?
Can they add expression to their voice?
And most importantly, do they understand what they're reading?
If they struggle with any of these, don't feel bad about dropping down a level. Right now the goal isn't wrestling with hard words. It's falling in love with beautiful language and a great story.
Bring it to the dinner table
Keep the conversation going after the book closes. "Tell Dad about the funny part we read today!" is a simple way to hear what stuck.
You can also bring interesting things to the table: a wild history story, a crazy science fact, a "did you know?" you stumbled across. These take a little effort to find, but the juicy conversations that follow are so worth it.
Let them talk it out
When your child is stuck on a problem, let them talk through it out loud. You'll often hear exactly where their thinking took a turn. Fight the urge to immediately correct it and instead guide them to find the error themselves.
Got a big family? You have the perfect setup. Ask an older sibling to teach a younger one. I love this for math. It solidifies what my older kid knows and makes them put it into words, which uses a whole different part of the brain and deepens their own understanding. I truly believe you don't really understand something until you can teach it to someone else.
A few conversation starters to keep in your back pocket:
"How did you figure that out?"
"What would happen if...?"
"Is there another way to do it?"
"Can you show me?"
"Do you think that will always work?"
Love the wrong answers
Wrong answers are some of the best conversation starters there are. Instead of saying "no" and explaining it all over again, ask, "How did you get that?" Have your child walk you back through their thinking. Most of the time they'll catch the mistake themselves, and that sticks so much better than a correction from you.
You Already Know How to Do This
Think about it. You know whether your child can read because you listen to them read. You know what lights them up because they tell you, sometimes at length, usually right at bedtime.
Math, reading, and everything else work the same way. You don't need a score to know your kid. You need a conversation.
Want More Ways to Start the Conversation? Join the Wonder Vault and you'll get a monthly math bingo card full of easy conversation starters to weave into your everyday life. Get a bingo and you'll earn a free gift!
